Why don't I feel better? the restorative method for autoimmune disease

How can we use dietary and lifestyle changes to optimize the body for health and healing and complement the treatment we're getting with a doctor? Why do some people feel better -- and some don't -- even when they're both doing all of the things "right"? 

These are the questions I was first curious to answer through what I now call The Restorative Method. I wanted to address why some of us might struggle to get well (without pointing the finger at willpower or discipline) and see if I could better break down how to incorporate dietary and lifestyle changes with a greater chance of success. 

Because what I've learned is that our tactics -- those dietary and lifestyle changes we're making to feel better -- usually aren't the problem. It’s not that there’s some health secret (or secret healing solution) we haven’t found yet. It’s not often that we need to try "just one more thing" or be committed "that much more" to health and healing. At the same time, it's not often that we're wrong either. It's not that we don't "care enough", have enough willpower, practice enough discipline or try hard enough.

Instead, for some of us, it's that we're simply not asking the right question (or focusing on the right result) in the first place.

Meaning, what if instead of asking... "Why didn't {insert any healthy habit} work for me?" ... we start asking... "Did {insert that same healthy habit} have the opportunity to work for me?"

This is a really powerful question to ask because it allows us to assess the efficacy of a tool before we decide whether or not it needs to be tweaked. So that, instead of throwing all of your time, money and energy at tool after tool after tool after tool (been there, done that -- it's not good for the bank account or self-esteem), you get to first figure out which tool has the best chance of actually working for you. (Imagine establishing a new healthy habit knowing it's probably going to get you where you want to go. Pretty cool, right?)

For me personally, I used to hop from healthy habit to healthy habit, diet to diet, self-care fad to self-care fad, trying really, really, really hard to do all of the "right" things so that I could finally be a "normal healthy human". (I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease at age 14 and an eating disorder 7 months later -- plus I spent the next 13 or so years feeling like I was always falling apart.)

​(Note: The habits I refer to here are the changes we're making under the supervision of a doctor and usually in complement to other treatment we're already receiving. This is simply a quick reminder that it's really important and powerful to have a great support system and great doctors helping us navigate autoimmune disease and chronic illness.)

For a long time, it felt like my desire to heal was all-consuming. I had one foot in this tool and one foot in another so that my drive to get well was eating up my time, energy AND money. I was frustrated, overwhelmed, and quite frankly a bitter at these dietary and lifestyle changes I was supposed to make. I (often) caught myself thinking, “Why did {insert latest healthy habit} work for so and so but not for me?" Or even, "Why do I have to adopt {insert latest diet} or start practicing {insert the latest and greatest in self-care}?"

Trying to answer these questions for myself -- while wrestling with other questions like "Do I deserve my symptoms?" or "Will I ever get to be healthy and normal and chase my dreams?" -- was the start of The Restorative Method. I wanted to know WHY things weren't clicking into place and WHAT exactly I was doing wrong. 
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Here's what I learned.

I wasn't feeling better because I wasn't actually turning the (chronic) stress dial down and the relaxation dial up.

Meaning, I was trying really, really hard to adopt a whole bunch of healthy habits without realizing those dietary and lifestyle changes were stressing me out even more (or stressing me out in whole new ways).

Dr. Lissa Rankin, author of the book Mind Over Medicine, explains why these two elements are super important for healing as she says, “The body has natural self-repair mechanisms that fight disease, kill bacteria, get rid of toxins and foreign bodies, repair broken proteins, slow aging, and generally keep the body healthy. But…. those natural self-repair mechanisms don’t function when the nervous system is in the midst of a ‘fight-or-flight’ stress response. Only when the nervous system is in a counterbalancing relaxed state – in what Dr. Herbert Benson at Harvard named ‘the relaxation response’ – can the body effectively heal itself.”

Basically, we want to help the body prime itself for the health by spending more time in that counterbalancing relaxed state. And the only way to do that is to spend less time in a stressed state. I love this realization because it reminds me why I'm making dietary changes, adopting new exercise practices and incorporating more self care into my life. I want to turn down the stress dial and turn up that magical relaxation.

But on the other hand, this "ah-ha" (first) comes with a huge does of irritation. Because if one more person tells me to reduce the amount stress in my life, I just might build a panic room and never come out. 

We hear a LOT about stress and how important it is to "get rid of". But what I've come to learn is that it's not necessarily external circumstances stressing us out the most. Sure, it's important to look at the stress from your job, the food you're eating, or your exercise practice (or lack thereof).

However, we ALSO need to look at the stress that comes from the internal.

What do you think about the tools you're using?
How do you feel about the habits you're trying to adopt?
What do you believe about these dietary and lifestyle changes?

It's this internal world that helps us better understand whether a dietary or lifestyle change will actually work -- or whether we're simply going through the motions without realizing it. 

Does the change I'm making ACTUALLY lead to time out of (chronic) stress and time in relaxation for my body in particular? Is trying to implement this tool the best and most efficient use of my time, money and energy... or Am I spinning my wheels trying to stay consistent adopting a protocol that conflicts with the season I'm in?

Before we tweak our tools (or question our willpower, discipline or commitment), we need to assess the ability of a tool to produce the desired or intended result in our unique bodies.

This is so important because these same dietary and lifestyle changes have the ability to turn up the stress in our lives. Feeling restricted, feeling deprived, disliking or not believing in a change we’re trying to make… these are examples of mental and emotional reactions to changes that can trigger the exact physical responses (or symptoms) we are trying to avoid. 

Instead of questioning ourselves or even the validity of a tool, we want to ask: Is there a reason this tool wouldn't work for me? Is there a reason I can't seem to stay consistent? Is there a reason I don't see results even when I'm consistent? 

In other words, is there a belief, thought or hidden stressor messing with my efforts to get well?

That's the question I try to help others with autoimmune disease or chronic illness answer through what I call The Restorative Method. It's not another self-care fad or new tactic to adopt. It's instead a framework to help make everything else we do as effective as possible. It's how we optimize the body for the healing we want and how we set ourselves up to reap every possible benefit from the hard work we're already doing. It clears the path for whatever dietary and lifestyle changes we want to make... to actually work. 

The very first step of The Restorative Method is uncovering any thoughts, beliefs or hidden stressors that could be getting in your way. You can figure out what might be messing with YOUR efforts to get well using my free quiz (called The Hidden Stressors Quiz) right here!